ABC Soup

Kellen and Jane are so cute together these days.  She is old enough to be his pal now, and he's still young enough not to care that she's a girl, and three years younger.  I know it's a fleeting time, but for now, I'm really enjoying it.  They make each day so fun.  What a blessing to be home with them every day.

I'm trying to figure out the technology here, and it's not really working.  I can't get the pictures in the order that I want them to go with the song, and the photos are a bit blurry.  Oh well!  Here it is, for now anyway.

Jane's First Haircut

Ready to go!

You'll notice it was kind of looking like a mullet.  It was cute in ponytails, curls, piggies, etc., but overall a bit of a hassle.

 I couldn't get her to pose for me after the hair cut because she was in hysterics about all the fuzz on her skin and in her eyes, which she kept making worse with all the rubbing.  She looked adorable, though.  Thanks, Aunt Taneea!  You're the best!

Here are a few different looks:

We don't flip it out very often, but it was fun for a change.  I couldn't really get Jane to focus on the camera for me.

This look happened when she jumped out of the tub and got too busy running around to let Mommy comb it.  The result was a wavy look which turned out to be pretty cute with her bangs.  Honestly, this little face makes any do work.

My favorite look happens when I blow dry her hair and slightly curl the tips under with my straightening iron. It frames her face perfectly, and she looks so classic.  Unfortunately, this usually only happens on Sunday mornings or other special occasions, in which case we are hurrying to be on time and not thinking about Kodak moments.  You know how it is!

Happy 5th Birthday, Kellen!

Jan. 29th, 2011
Here are some pictures of Kellen's birthday.  I've got to admit, it was a rough one for Taylor and I.  We had just lost the baby, and really didn't feel like going anywhere, but we wanted Kellen to feel special and know his family loves him.  He really wanted to go to "the birthday place", AKA Red Robin.  (He calls it that because they have balloons there, and the employees are always singing happy birthday to the guests.) 
I'm glad we took the time, regardless of the circumstances, to celebrate the birthday of our sweet boy.  He really is a fantastic kid...

• He has such a big heart.  I've never met a more loving individual.  He's always had a very mature ability to sympathize with others, and try and make them feel better.  I don't know what I would do without his cheerful smiles and wonderful hugs and kisses.
• He is so kind to his little sister, always considering it his responsibility to take care of her and teach her the ropes.  
• He's a total clown, just like his Daddy.  
• He loves to learn!  He wants to read science books at bedtime, and he actually remembers the things we read about.  He can read small words, do small math problems, and count to 100! 
• He can draw like a pro, sing really well, and he's a great little athlete.  
• He is a friend to everyone whether old or young.  
• He's learning to help out around the house, and takes pride in doing his part.  He's been making his own bed every day, cleaning his room, and helping me with the dishes and the garbage.  
• He has a real testimony that is growing each day.  He wants to get up and share it every fast and testimony meeting, and because he can do it all on his own, we let him from time to time.

We love you, Kell!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I think this picture is so cute.

I really didn't feel like having my picture taken...

But for Kellen, I succumbed. :)

When we got home we found a card from Great-Grammy and Poppa.  It had a Super Hero on it, a "I'm 5 Today" sticker, and a five dollar bill.  Perfect.  He felt soooo special.

I went back and forth trying to decide if I should post this one or not.  I'm not really sure why I finally want to three months later... I guess it's because I'm doing better with it now and I want it recorded as part of my life, although forgive the lack of title.  I just couldn't think of the right one.
As many of you know, I was pregnant... and I'm not anymore.  I was ten weeks along and started bleeding.  I went to the doctor for an ultrasound, and the baby had only developed to six weeks.  With the baby that small, we couldn't detect a heart beat.  The doctor told me there was a chance my dates were wrong, and that I was really only six weeks along.   Either that, or I was going to miscarry.   I knew my dates weren't off.  I was sent home and told to return in two weeks.  If the baby was still alive and growing at that point we would be able to hear the heart beat.  Hoping my dates were wrong, but really knowing they weren't, I went home and stayed in bed, praying for some resolve.  I wanted my baby, but in my heart I was pretty sure that I had already lost it.  So I stayed in bed, with my mind in the worst, most crazy place it could possibly be--- Limbo.
Finally, after three days, it happened.  I miscarried the baby.  I won't get into that.  I know many of you have had similar experiences and know how awful it is.  Not my best day.  However, I did felt an overwhelming sense of relief.  I could stop wondering what was going to happen and start to grieve.  I could also get out of bed and take care of my family, which I so wanted to do.  The Lord was truly with me.  I knew he had prepared me for this loss with the feelings of doubt I'd had before.   It sounds weird to say that -- they weren't welcome feelings, but after the fact, I was grateful for them because they prepared me for what would have otherwise been a completely unexpected and devastating blow.
I've since had another miscarriage, which came as a complete surprise because I didn't think I was pregnant in the first place.  Strangely, I don't feel worried... Well, that's not completely true...  The worrier in me can always be unleashed if I go there, but the smarter side of me, the side with trust in an all-knowing Heavenly Father, feels a sense of peace.  I know that everything will turn out as it should.  The Lord isn't withholding children from me because I can't handle it, or because I'm not ready.  (I struggled with those thoughts for a while.)  I don't understand why things happen the way they do, but I still feel peace.  I do know that I have more children to come.  When and how they become a part of my family is yet to be discovered.  Hope you'll forgive me for getting so personal, but those of you that know me well know that's just the way I roll.  
Just like all times of trial in my life, I've felt an outpouring of love from friends, family, my Father in Heaven, and my Savior.  I've also gained a stronger testimony of the Lord's plan.  Best of all, my love for the family I have with me now has deepened immensely.  I can hardly look at my wonderful husband or two sweet kids, without feeling my heart begin to burst with love and gratitude.  I have been given so much.