Trials and Blessings

Back in 2004 a doctor told me I should have my tonsils removed.  I didn't even consider it because we were poor college students without health insurance.  I just took the antibiotics, and hoped for the best.  Then I started having kids, and lets face it!  Is there ever a convenient time to have surgery when your a mom?

Nope.

Well, here we are, six years later, and after years of getting sick, losing my voice, and not being able to sing the way I know I should, we finally bit the bullet.  I had the tonsillectomy yesterday.

OUCH.

Not pretty, people.  Let's just say I felt better after childbirth.  This is insane.

On the other hand I have never felt more blessed.  The outpouring of love from friends and family has been overwhelming.

Taylor has seriously been superman, taking care of me, the kids, the cleaning, the shopping, the babysitting situation, my eating and medicine schedule... He is the best.  I love him so much.

My parents have offered to come stay with me, even though they have tons going on right now, but I don't even think we'll need them, because we have such good friends here in Idaho.  Yesterday the phone was ringing all day with people calling to express their love and concern and offer selfless service.

My good friend, Lindsay, who just happens to be the best cook in town, made me the most delicious, comforting, chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles, plus her famous Lion House rolls, that I can actually swallow cause they are so melt-in-your-mouthy.  Mmmmmm...  She is so sweet.

My kids went to a friends house yesterday, and they are being sat by two other good friends today, and there are more offers on the table, depending how the next two weeks go for me.  I just can't believe how wonderful everyone has been!

Most of all I have felt extremely close to the Lord these days.  Taylor has given me two blessings this month, and both were so beautiful, and a true source of comfort and strength to me.  I had been looking for my patriarchal blessing for a few months, and really felt that I needed to read it before the surgery.  Well, the night before, as I was tidying up the den... lo and behold!  There it was!  It felt like another tender mercy.  I was almost glad that I had lost it for a while, because I found it when I needed it most, and was thirsty for that guidance.

I've been having some personal struggles with the spirit in my life these days.  Not that my testimony was fading or anything, I just was having trouble finding a balance.  Before having kids I took for granted how easy it was to seek after the Spirit, increase my gospel knowledge, ponder the scriptures, meditate, etc.  As all you parents know, there is rarely a moment of peace, when you are not exhausted from all the craziness.  Plus, I'm the primary chorister, which I love, but sometimes I miss the ease of just going to church and being "fed", you know?

Well, for some time now, I've been pleading with the Lord to grant me the spiritual strength (and the physical/mental strength) I need to continue to progress in the gospel.  I don't want to be content with where I am at.  I want growth!  Yet, like I said, it's so much harder to put in the time.

Since my blessing from Tay at the beginning of the month, I have felt a real difference.  Somehow I have found the time to study more.  I am also finding little quiet moments where I can find a secluded place to pray vocally.   I don't know if these moments were always there, and the Lord is just now helping me recognize them, but each time it feels like a little miracle, and I am again assured that the Lord is mindful of me and my small life.   He loves me, and I feel it.

I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven, who will never turn us away.  He waits for us to come to him,  ready to pour out his blessings.  When we turn our hearts to him with love and gratitude we can feel peace and joy, no matter where we are in life.